Have I mentioned Im impatient??

I may be the most impatient person in the world. After my ER visit thursday night, it sunk in that I had to wait until sunday to have another blood test done to check my hcg levels. And I dont know about you, but when a doctor sends you home with 3 possibilities, it makes you nervous! So last night, I took a cheap dollar store test. There was a barely there line. Which I expected since my hcg levels were so low. In my way of justifying things, I figured that is my hcg levels are doubling as they should, then the lines on the test will get darker each day. (because those tests go by your hcg levels. light line means lower hcg, darker line means higher hcg.) So just to humor myself, I took another one this morning. The line took a whole 2 seconds to show up. And it was dark! No denying it was there :) So my mind is at ease for now. Tomorrow I can go back to the ER (the doctors offices are closed monday) and have my blood work done with a little more hope :) But for now, I can be excited about a tiny little line going from barely there, to really dark, and that made my day!

Cautiously Positive!!!!!!

I had a very eventful day yesterday. So I will start at 5am Dec. 29th.

I woke up feeling very sick. It felt like a celiac attack coming on. Which is nothing out of the sorts for me. These happen ever so often. And usually last no more than 6 hours, and then Im done. 
Well throughout the day, it kept getting worse. And not typical symptoms of my celiac. I tried to eat dinner, which was the worst idea. And around 9pm, the pain was just too much for me. So I called the on-call doctor. She suggested I head to the ER. So off to the ER. Ray stayed at home since the girls were already in bed. Going to the dr solo is not my favorite thing I have to admit!

I got checked in around 10pm. The dr came in, pushed on my stomach a few times, and was convinced the pain was due to my appendix. So immediately, I had an Iv with pain and nausea medicine. And a guy brought me that famous puke-inducing drink to prepare you for a CT scan. (thankful that they changed the flavor of this drink since the last time I had one) And then began the 1 hour wait. Only they didnt come in an hour later to wheel me off for  a CT scan. They came in to tell me there was a change of plans. My blood work came back that I was pregnant!!! My hcg levels were low. So they were now looking for other things that were causing my pain. Within minutes, a was the proud new owner of a catheter. And waiting on the ultrasound tech to be called in. The fact that they make you hold your catheter bag in the wheel chair on the way to the ultrasound room is not exactly my idea of the latest fashion accessory, but I was too tired to care at that point. The ultrasound was uncomfortable of course. Are they ever fun? Maybe its just me, but having someone poke and prod and my very full bladder for 20 minutes is awful. 
After i get back in the room, the dr comes in for a pelvic exam. Which he said checked out just fine. 

So. Here we are. 3:30am.  2 doses of nausea medicine, and one dose of pain medicine, ultrasound, pelvic exam, IV..the works.....The dr has his final say. I have a UTI, which is what was causing my pain. My ultrasound didnt show anything. But thats not uncommon since I am so early in my pregnancy. He wants to recheck my hcg levels no later than monday to make sure they are rising as needed. He said the low hcg levels may mean 1 of 3 things.
1) I am just way early (which is true anyway because my period was Dec 8th. So I am just around 3 weeks) and my hcg level was 45 which is typical for 3 weeks.
2) I have an ectopic pregnancy. (which they will do another ultrasound to rule this out when they do more blood work)
3) My hcg level is so low due to a miscarriage. (no bleeding or spotting)


I am cautiously excited. I dont think until I hear that my hcg levels are rising can i fully let it sink in. But there it is! Its a positive! Now just praying. Praying like crazy!

Sympathy Nesting Syndrome

Is it possible to have sympathy nesting syndrome?? My friend Kayla is gonna have her baby like any day now. She has a C-Section scheduled for the 30th. And I feel like I am in some super nesting mode or something. I have organized and cleaned out the hall closet. (because that is top priority for guests to see?) And organized and cleaned my craft room (which NEEDED to be done in all honesty, but Ive put it off for months) Ive mopped the floors every single day almost. I sweep the floors everyday. I vacuumed the little vent thing on the door of our utility closet, heck I even vacuumed the water heater IN the utility closet! You know, because it had some dust on it.....I cleaned out the "junk" drawers in the kitchen. So they are no longer junk drawers. I organized the cabinets in the kitchen. Purged food that has been in there for a while. Even washed the cabinets before I put stuff back in there. I cleaned out the fridge. Ive been searching for some "smell" I cant seem to find in the house. The closet with the trash can is next on my list to clean. I will clean the trashcan itself. I'm getting a little pre-nesting out of my system it seems. I am totally not complaining! My house is pretty and well on its way to being organized and de-cluttered. And that makes me super happy :) But this came out of nowhere! I'm hoping it sticks around until after the holidays so I can keep my house in order through all the chaos!!

If I hear one more person say........

Everyday I hear of someone else finding out they are pregnant. Literally. And thats not including the number of people that are already pregnant, and JUST had babies. I just might scream if one more person says "IM PREGNANT!" Ugh. What a horrible way to feel! I want to be happy for these people. Especially since a lot of them are close friends of mine. But I cant help be a little sad, and be hulk color green with envy. 
Several months before I had my IUD taken out, I started feeling the "baby fever" Im not even sure what that means. Either way, I had it. Last month, I got to throw my best friends baby shower. She is having her 3rd girl. My dream come true! I love girls. And the girls ask for a baby sister all the time...no brother lol. Decorating for her shower, and making her tons of girly things just made it worse! 

So...let me play this out for you. And you may just think Im completely out of my mind crazy. Truth is..you may be right :)

People who just had babies-
Jamie
Kristin
Sarah
Brianne
Desiree
Elizabeth
Mandy

People who are newly pregnant-
Annie
Caressa
Erica
Amanda
Janelle


People getting ready to pop-
Kayla
Aubrey
Jill (through surragacy)
Rachel 


Plus all the acquaintances that I know that are pregnant or just had babies. And to make it worse..... as if all these people in my life are not enough..someone decides to rub it in my face even more. This is where crazy may come in....lol
I was watching The Next Great Baker last night, and one of the ladys randomly announces she is 7 months pregnant. AND the girls and I were watching some Christmas movie on Disney  channel, and the mom announces shes pregnant! 


So, heres to keeping my fingers crossed that I can either be happy for all these people who are pregnant when I just want it to be me....or no one else tells me they are pregnant! LOL.

Expect good things in the year to come

My fortune said-Expect good things in the year to come. -Im holding on to that!

Here is where the real fun begins. Not really trying, but trying to conceive. 

So, not that you want to know all my juicy details. BUT. Thats part of it lol. 

After I had the IUD taken out, the dr said that AF (lady time of the month) would probably come around in a few weeks. Sure enough, Nov 10th, my first AF in 4 years! Blech. I forgot how unpleasant it was! But at least is gives me something to work with now :)

I know to expect my next AF around Dec 9th-ish. I rejoined my old group on baby center. I closed my account after the girls got older, but its nice to have girls going through the same thing as you to talk to sometimes.

My birthday was Dec 3rd. I had been having some crazy crazy symptoms. Its hard to tell if it was "something" or if it may be my body getting back in the swing of thing after my IUD. I still have no idea. My symptoms have been all over the place. Every single one can have a double meaning!!! But on my birthday, I took a test for the fun of it. I  got what I was expecting. A big fat negative. So we went on about our day. I know there are tests that detect early pregnancy, so I planned to test again wednesday. Today is wednesday :) I tested this morning....Another big fat negative. But let me say this. As I was laying the test on the counter, and finishing up, I saw some light pink color on the toilet paper. Really?!?!? A few days early for AF. But who knows because I may not be regular yet. But all day, Ive had random spotting. This morning it started out as pinkish, this afternoon brownish, and a little mix of both now. And nothing serious. Like barely anything at all. If it was AF, I fully would expect it to be full blown by now. But I dont know for sure. There are 2 possibilities. It is in fact AF. Or I didnt ovulate when I typically would have, and theres a chance the spotting is Implantation bleeding. Which is good. AF is bad. So at this point its a waiting game. 

Let the roller coaster begin!!!

November 1st was the day!

When Ray and I first started dating, the topic of more children was talked about. My friends warned me that this was a serious question to ask if I eventually wanted more kids, considering he is a little older than me. And, hands down, we both agreed that more children one day is in our plans. Fast forward to about September of this year. I have been having serious baby envy of all my friends. And by all my friends, I mean ALL my friends. Everyday, I hear of someone new that is pregnant. And I cant count how many are already pregnant, or have just had babies. Its everywhere! And so it begins. I am a true believer that God does not put a desire in your heart for no reason. If He is giving me the desire to be a mom again, He is preparing me for when the times comes. And the preparation just keeps on coming. :) 

After Mady was born, I had an IUD put in. A 5 year one. So, it wasnt due to come out until Nov 2012. In October, I started having some cramping and discomfort and made an appointment with my dr. My IUD had caused a slight irritation and infection, and the dr recommended that it come out. She took it out right then and there. I went home with a one dose prescription of antibiotics to kick the infection, and a follow up appointment for the following month. She said we can put another IUD in at that time or seek out other birth control. When I told Ray the game plan, he looked at me and said, God sure does shout when He has plans. It took me a moment to understand what he was talking about. In 4 years, I havent had any problems with my IUD. Ive actually loved having it with no worries. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, my dr decides its best to take it out. Hello God. We hear you :) You are so clearly answering our question as to when the right time to start trying is. So we decided against having another IUD put in, and also decided against seeking out another form of birth control. For the first time in 4 years. I feel naked! But trusting God every step of the way. 

3+1=4

I love being a mom. I have 2 beautiful little girls. Emmalee (Emma for short) is 6 and Madyson (Mady for short) is 4. The 2 of them werent  exactly planned. I conceived them while on the depo shot. Emma was a whopping 14 months old when I found out I was pregnant with Mady, and 1 month shy of her 2nd birthday when Mady was born. Life with 2 babies under 2 was chaotic. But now, looking back, I wouldnt change it for the world. They are so close, and the bestest of friends now, even if they fight from time to time . :) I have enjoyed watching them grow and discover life together. The 3 of us have had our ups and downs. Ive struggled being the mom they need me to be, but we are all learning! Ive faced parenthood as a single mom for over half of their lives. But that is not the case now :) My girls have an amazing father figure in their life. God is Good! He is not only everything I could have prayed for for them, but he is more than everything I prayed for for me. We have thrived as a family of 4. And built a foundation for my girls that they have never had. We are ready to give the girls the baby brother or sister they so desperately want. (and by desperately want, I mean they tell me they want a baby brother or sister at least every other day lol)

I hope you follow me on this journey of a growing family. Trying to conceive a baby on purpose is something I have never done, so it is all new to me! Im ready to face the trials and frustration and fun times...and document it the whole way through. I hope your ready too!